After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
