I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
