I feel like abortions should bother me more
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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