I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
