WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
