i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
