it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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