So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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