my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
