did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
