i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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