From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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