trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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