He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
