Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
