I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
