So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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