Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My bed smells like the plague
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
