you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
my penis made a compromise with my morals
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
