Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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