Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
