yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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