I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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