ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
