how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
