if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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