At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
