FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
