Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
