i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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