rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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