My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Let's get the cat blown out
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
