i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
