it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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