SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
