Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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