What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
