SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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