May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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