Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
