WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Randomize
