I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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