think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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