The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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