Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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