Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
