Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
