hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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