i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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