the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
