dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
