i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
high people should be assigned attendants
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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