why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
