omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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