We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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