Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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