Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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