Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
