On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
