there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
