you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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