she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
