Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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