Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
