I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
