Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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