Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
