I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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