Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Drake has all the answers
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize